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The Philosophers Of This Century

~ John Glenn…

The Philosophers Of This Century

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.

~ Desmond Tutu…

The Philosophers Of This Century


When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land.
They said ‘Let us pray.’ We closed our eyes.
When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.

~ David Letterman…

The Philosophers Of This Century


America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.

~ Howard Hughes…

The Philosophers Of This Century

I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. I’m a billionaire.

~ Old Italian proverb…

The Philosophers Of This Century

After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.

~ Betsy Salkind…

The Philosophers Of This Century


Men are like linoleum floors. Lay ’em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.

~ Jean Kerr…

The Philosophers Of This Century


The only reason they say ‘Women and children first’ is to test the strength of the lifeboats.

~ Zsa Zsa Gabor…

The Philosophers Of This Century

I’ve been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.

~ Jeff Foxworthy…

The Philosophers Of This Century

You know you’re a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn’t.

~ Prince Philip…

The Philosophers Of This Century


When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.

~ Emo Philips…

The Philosophers Of This Century


A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

~ Harrison Ford…

The Philosophers Of This Century

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.

~ Spike Milligan…

The Philosophers Of This Century

The best cure for Sea Sickness, is to sit under a tree.

~ Robin Hall…

The Philosophers Of This Century

Lawyers believe a person is innocent until proven broke.

~ Jean Rostand…

The Philosophers Of This Century


Kill one man and you’re a murderer, kill a million and you’re a conqueror

~ Arnold Schwarzenegger…

The Philosophers Of This Century

Having more money doesn’t make you happier.
I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million.

~ WH Auden…

The Philosophers Of This Century


We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.

~ Jonathan Katz…

The Philosophers Of This Century

In hotel rooms I worry. I can’t be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked

~ Johnny Carson…

The Philosophers Of This Century


If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.

~ Warren Tantum… (School photo album).

The Philosophers Of This Century


I don’t believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we’re very skeptical

~ Steve Martin…

The Philosophers Of This Century


Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.

~ Jimmy Durante…

The Philosophers Of This Century

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.

~ Doug Hanwell…

The Philosophers Of This Century

America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.

~ George Roberts…

The Philosophers Of This Century


The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone

~ Jonathan Winters…

The Philosophers Of This Century


If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.

~ Robert Benchley…

The Philosophers Of This Century

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

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