Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want then, when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
It’s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.
If u r married please ignore this msg,
for everyone else: Happy Independence Day
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he’ll fall asleep before you finish.
There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
Girlfriends r like chocolates,
taste good anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there’s no choice.
Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don’t take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called ‘Man, The Master of Women’?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
Q: Why dogs don’t marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog’s life!
There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.
Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
Q: Why doesn’t law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, "What does a woman want?
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
George W. Bush
"I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
"There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage."
"I’ve had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn?t.? The third gave me more children!
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once…
You know what I did before I married? Anything wanted to.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
First Guy (proudly): "M wife’s an angel!"
Second Guy: "You’re lucky, mine’s still alive."
?Honey, what happened to ?ladies first??? Husband replies, ?That?s the reason why the world?s a mess today, because a lady went first!?
?First there?s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring…soon after….comes Suffer…ing!
For Sale :Wedding Dress, Size 8. Worn Once By Mistake.
Every Wife Is A ‘Mistress" For Her Husband. "Miss" For One
Hour & "Stress" For the Rest 23 Hours..!.
There Are Two Times When A Man Doesn’t Understand A Woman Before Marriage AndAfter Marriage.
Wife : I Will Die.
Husband : I Will Also Die.
Wife : Why Will You Die ?
Husband : Because I Can’t Bear That Much Happiness..!.
My Husband And I Divorced Over Religious Differences. He
Thought He Was God, And I Didn’t.
Marriage Is Like A Public Toilet Those Waiting Outside Are
Desperate To Get In & Those Inside Are Desperate To Come
Text Messaging :
Husband Sends The Following Message To His Wife
If You’re Sleeping, Send Me Your Dreams.
If You’re Smiling, Send Me Your Smile.
If You’re Crying, Send Me Your Tears.
I Love You.
Wife Texted Back :
I’m In The Toilet,
What Should I Send You?
Whisky Is A Brilliant Invention. One Double And You Start
Feeling Single Again.
A Man Goes To The Wizard To Ask If He Can Remove A Curse
He Has Been Living With For The Last 40 Years.
The Wizard Says, "Maybe, But You Will Have To Tell Me
The Exact Words That Were Used To Put The Curse On You."
The Man Says Without Hesitation, "I Now Pronounce You Man
Husband Searching Keywords On Google `How To Tackle
Wife?` Google Search Result, `still Searching`.
Husband Throwing Darts At His Wife?s Photo And Not Even A
Single One Hitting The Target..
From Another Room Wife Called The Husband : ?Honey What
Are You Doing.. Husband: ?MISSING YOU?..
A Man Goes To See The Rabbi. "Rabbi, Something Terrible Is
Happening And I Have To Talk To You About It."
The Rabbi Asked, "What’s Wrong?"
The Man Replied, "My Wife Is Poisoning Me."
The Rabbi, Very Surprised By This, Asks, "How Can That Be?"
The man then pleads, "I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s
poisoning me, what should I do?"
The Rabbi Then Offers, "Tell You What. Let Me Talk To Her, I’ll
See What I Can Find Out And I’ll Let You Know."
The Rabbi Calls after a while And Says, "Well I Spoke To Her
For Three Hours. You Want My Advice?"
The Man Said Yes
The Rabbi Replied,
"Take The poison"…!